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The current year represents a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to talk about love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly extinguish any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {